Sunday, March 21, 2010
So I think my philosophy is to stay as busy as possible on weekends to keep the kids happy and occupied. While the past few weekends have been awesome they have also been exhausting…but in a good way. Here is the one negative. I can’t help but think how much Jen would have enjoyed the little weekend adventures.
And this is totally a “Me” hang up and yes I know it is quite shallow, but I hate being a family of three. I hate the “look”…let me try to explain.
I have to admit I liked going out as a family. I enjoyed people saying your girls are “precious” and have such “good manners“. The cute little family of FOUR. Look up upper middle class family of four in the dictionary and the picture of Jen, the girls and I could have easily been there. Whether is was dinner, running errands, the movies whatever, I really liked our cute little family.
Now I feel that every time someone sees us it one of two things…you’re a divorced Dad spending time with your kids, OR you’re a divorced Dad who is forced to spend time with his kids. Neither is true obviously, but what can I do. It’s not like I can just say “look I was madly in love with my wife, she got sick and died and now I’m all my girls have”…shallow I know and I’m sure it’s all in my head…but it’s there regardless.
I felt as if I got the look a lot this past weekend at the hotel, eating dinner, at the hotel pool, at the hockey game, at breakfast…maybe their needs to be some sort of pin or button young widowers could wear to distinguish our selves.
I always loved the fact that we had two kids…one for each parent. Two kids…two laps to sit on…and the typical man-on-man defense. Now the girls are starting to compete for my attention and I am doing my best to judge and weigh who needs what and when but it’s difficult. Being a single parent is tough…harder then anyone could imagine unless you are a single parent. Easter will be here before we know it…followed by Mother’s day then Father’s day…when is Single Parent day? When is young Widower’s day? When is don’t give me that look day?
Inside Bill's Head -- Previously Known as (Inside the Head of a Grieving Single Dad)
In August of 2009 my wife Jennifer passed away from an Anaplastic Astrocytoma Brain Tumor. She was only 38 years old. She left me and our two little girls Abbie and Allie to continue life’s journey.
I promised her that I would NOT become angry and bitter about what happened...in order to do that I am attempting to write to express my thoughts and feelings.
This site is a place where I can express my thoughts, feelings and rants...