Sunday, March 21, 2010

The Look

So I think my philosophy is to stay as busy as possible on weekends to keep the kids happy and occupied. While the past few weekends have been awesome they have also been exhausting…but in a good way. Here is the one negative. I can’t help but think how much Jen would have enjoyed the little weekend adventures.

And this is totally a “Me” hang up and yes I know it is quite shallow, but I hate being a family of three. I hate the “look”…let me try to explain.

I have to admit I liked going out as a family. I enjoyed people saying your girls are “precious” and have such “good manners“. The cute little family of FOUR. Look up upper middle class family of four in the dictionary and the picture of Jen, the girls and I could have easily been there. Whether is was dinner, running errands, the movies whatever, I really liked our cute little family.

Now I feel that every time someone sees us it one of two things…you’re a divorced Dad spending time with your kids, OR you’re a divorced Dad who is forced to spend time with his kids. Neither is true obviously, but what can I do. It’s not like I can just say “look I was madly in love with my wife, she got sick and died and now I’m all my girls have”…shallow I know and I’m sure it’s all in my head…but it’s there regardless.

I felt as if I got the look a lot this past weekend at the hotel, eating dinner, at the hotel pool, at the hockey game, at breakfast…maybe their needs to be some sort of pin or button young widowers could wear to distinguish our selves.

I always loved the fact that we had two kids…one for each parent. Two kids…two laps to sit on…and the typical man-on-man defense. Now the girls are starting to compete for my attention and I am doing my best to judge and weigh who needs what and when but it’s difficult. Being a single parent is tough…harder then anyone could imagine unless you are a single parent. Easter will be here before we know it…followed by Mother’s day then Father’s day…when is Single Parent day? When is young Widower’s day? When is don’t give me that look day?


  1. I understand how you feel. Thefact is that people do judge others. Period. It just happens. I am fully aware having two sons with needs. It isn't always calm, they don't always understand the social rules of life. It is hard to ignore and I wonder what they think, but I can't change them. I have to continue in my little world, letting them think what they want. They don't know what I deal with and again, I don't understand what their life is. Maybe people look because they suffer from infertility and wish for children.
    Maybe people look at you and think "wow, that is a great dad, I wish my husband was like that" You just dont know. Yes, people judge but people also look at others thinking about their own lives and maybe they are jealous of you because you have something they want...a loving relationship with two precious, well mannered children.

  2. Stacy makes a great point about the perceptions of others. While being a single parent is not something I can personally relate to, struggling with the extent to which you care about what other people think is. Given the age difference between my husband and I, we are constantly facing "looks", as you put it, with all kinds of assumptions behind them (which are not true). It used to really bother me, now I laugh about it. I'm not making a comparison here - that can't be done. I can't imagine what you are feeling or going through (and I would never presume to), but I can offer this - Don't expend a lot of your time and energy worrying over what other people think. The choices we make (and those that were made for us) which have brought us to this moment are not things we can explain adequately even to ourselves, let alone to other people. Those who are worth trying to figure it out with you will not judge you at a glance. Just this last year, that lesson was reinforced for me by someone who tried to break my spirit. They failed and the experience gave me the opportunity to relearn a valuable lesson - you cannot allow the actions or even perceptions of others to worry you - and certainly you cannot allow them to make you doubt your truth. It's a difficult but a valuable lesson. You know what's true, don't worry over what people think and remember - "people only see what they are prepared to see".


Inside Bill's Head -- Previously Known as (Inside the Head of a Grieving Single Dad)

In August of 2009 my wife Jennifer passed away from an Anaplastic Astrocytoma Brain Tumor. She was only 38 years old. She left me and our two little girls Abbie and Allie to continue life’s journey.

I promised her that I would NOT become angry and bitter about what order to do that I am attempting to write to express my thoughts and feelings.

This site is a place where I can express my thoughts, feelings and rants...