Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Hello 2011
Well we are almost a full month into 2011 and I have yet to write an entry and boy have I heard about it…which I guess is a good thing. The fact that people want to know what is going on with me and the girls is very flattering and the interest and concern people express by sending me emails is very…well cool.

Okay, here it goes…2011…and honestly I have a ton of stuff to write about.

I have made some serious, big, huge, monumental…pick a word and insert here…decisions in the past month. These may come as a complete surprise to some of you, but to others it will hopefully come across as a natural progression.

Decision 1 – Selling the House
I have decided to put my house on the market. Believe me deciding to sell my house was very difficult for me. I love my house, I mean absolutely love it. I love the wide open floor plan, the layout, the room sizes, the finished game room, the deck, the neighbors and most of all the spectacular view. A house search is never easy. So many places look great on paper then you see it in person and it’s completely different. It took me over 6 months to find a house the last time. I hope it doesn’t take that long this time.

Why Now

Well, honestly the reasons are many…Abbie doesn’t like going into the office because that is where Jen’s hospice bed was and that’s where Jen passed away. I have to admit that sometimes I catch myself not wanting to go in there either. Jen’s personal touches and decorations are everywhere and that is not a bad thing, it just makes it hard sometimes on all of us.

This will be hard for many to understand, but it’s time to go…it’s time to move on…it’s time to find a new beginning. Now, keep in mind that the thought of moving makes my stomach turn. I hate moving…HATE IT!!! I have accumulated so much stuff and it seriously took us over 2 years before the last box was officially unpacked. I am NOT looking to packing and moving, but it needs to happen for ALL of us.

Decision 2 – Getting Married
This will come as a shock to some of you, but I am getting married. The person whom I have been dating for the past 6 months is someone who I have known for 5 years. It’s also someone the girls have knows for 5 years and who is also one of my best and closest friends. It feels awesome to be happy…it really does.

She loves me and the girls and it has been great for all of us. Whenever she comes over the excitement and joy on the girls faces is amazing to see. I can be the best Dad in the world but there are just certain things that I can’t give to the girls. The pure happiness, comfort, confidence and encouragement they receive from a positive and loving woman is one of them.

That being said…I am also totally smitten. When I’m around this person, well…I just want to be a better person. She brings out the best in me and it feels really, really good. I can only imagine what some people will think and say when they read this…to that all I can say it this. When I told another one of my best friends what I was thinking. He said to me that I know that you (meaning me) don’t do anything unless you have thought about it, rethought about it and considered all the variables multiple times.

I like to think I have…and I am not making light of the situation either. Life is short…too short…and I am very happy…she makes me extremely happy…and to be honest it’s a great feeling.

We have challenges ahead…selling the house…buying a house for all of us, the girls changing schools…no one said it would be easy…but when is life ever easy…I have more to write…but that is for another entry….

Inside Bill's Head -- Previously Known as (Inside the Head of a Grieving Single Dad)

In August of 2009 my wife Jennifer passed away from an Anaplastic Astrocytoma Brain Tumor. She was only 38 years old. She left me and our two little girls Abbie and Allie to continue life’s journey.

I promised her that I would NOT become angry and bitter about what happened...in order to do that I am attempting to write to express my thoughts and feelings.

This site is a place where I can express my thoughts, feelings and rants...