Tuesday, March 16, 2010
The girls enjoyed their session, which is good. I am attempting not to over analyze my session, but that is after all, one of the things I do. Maybe one-on-one sessions as opposed to group sessions would be better for me...I do not know. I thought I would benefit more from group sessions and here is why.
What is a therapist going to say that I do not already know? Keep yourself busy. Concentrate on one thing at a time. Focus on the future and not the past. Do not dwell on the past, keep moving forward...blah, blah, blah, yadda, yadda, yadda. I am NOT being some macho man dipshit either...nor am I taking a Neanderthal approach to therapy. If it works for you great, but words cannot fix my problem.
My Real Problem
What I really want is the one thing that no one can give me. History is not going to change, Jen is not ever going to come back, no one is going to wave a magic wand and bring her back - I get that. What I really want, what I really need is for someone to mend a heart that is completely and utterly broken.
I have blank void, a null pit where my heart is. It is not a physical thing, but I swear I can feel a difference inside my chest. Nothing or no one can fix that...except maybe time.
Maybe I am just being too hard on everything and everyone...the timing is somewhat bad. It is Jen's birthday tomorrow and my emotions have been getting the best of me all week. Stay tuned...I want to re-read what I typed up about the group and the session in the morning and decide then if I should post it or not.
Inside Bill's Head -- Previously Known as (Inside the Head of a Grieving Single Dad)
In August of 2009 my wife Jennifer passed away from an Anaplastic Astrocytoma Brain Tumor. She was only 38 years old. She left me and our two little girls Abbie and Allie to continue life’s journey.
I promised her that I would NOT become angry and bitter about what happened...in order to do that I am attempting to write to express my thoughts and feelings.
This site is a place where I can express my thoughts, feelings and rants...