Friday, March 5, 2010

It Happened…Finally…

Well, I finally had a dream about Jen last night…

The Dream
We were walking from one building to another. The two buildings were connected by a long straight outside corridor lined by green shrubs. The distance between the two buildings seemed like a mile. It was a bright sunny day.

An older woman who had white/grayish hair that I don’t know or recognize was leading us. It looked very futuristic…other people were also walking to and from the buildings and they were all dressed the same, in white and grey, only Jen and I were dressed different from everyone else.

Suddenly, out of nowhere a bad storm kicked up….and I could see a tornado forming way off in the distance. We still had a long way to go to get the building that we were walking to and for some reason we couldn’t go back to the building that we left, it wasn’t allowed.

The tornado was getting closer and closer, it was moving at a high speed towards us. Jen started running for the building…for some reason I stopped and looked behind me. The older woman who was guiding us now had my Dad with her and they were quite a distance behind me.

I turned around and Jen was way, far ahead of me…like a couple of football fields...and the twister was getting really close. I took off sprinting for the building…and made through the first set of glass doors…but Jen wasn’t there.

I saw a second set of doors on the opposite side…and could see Jen was behind the second set of double glass doors….and I started moving for the doors. It was really loud inside the building due to the tornado. People were panicking, things were in a chaotic state, people were running, falling, screaming etc…

The tornado hit the building just as I was getting close to the second set of double glass doors…..I could see Jen running away…

Suddenly…I woke up….it was 3:08am.

I sat up…then got up out of bed…went downstairs and wrote all of this down…

WTF…what in the hell does it mean….


- It was so good to hear her voice again…it was comforting.
- I have no clue why suddenly my Dad was there…for those that don’t know I am NOT close to my Dad at all.
- The last thing I remembered before I woke up was seeing Jen through the second set of doors and thinking I have to get there.


  1. Wow, I was hoping for something more peaceful for you in the first dream. That dream is quite interesting though. The toronado seems metaphorically fitting. I'm no expert but the fact that your Dad was in the dream leads me to believe that this dream has to have some psychological interpretation. Hopefully Jen's presence meant that she is still there by your side while all this stuff is flooding your head.

    Maybe seeing Jen running away from the building on the otherside (safe from the tornado) is a sign that she is safe and OK?

  2. I am glad you got to see Jen in your dreams Bill. Even though it wasn't a calm, peaceful dream. But, I wouldn't expect that, not now, not when emotions are still so new and so raw.

    Perhaps this will be a series of dreams that brings you to some peace. Eventually. That is my feeling. You will get hints, this dream may re-occur with different twist and turns, until one day, you and Jen are together in the dream in a more peaceful place - perhaps a beach or somewhere you loved to be. Together.
    Here is one way I see this..
    You are walking together, happy, as you two were. You are in color because you two were true soulmates, something not everyone gets to experience. Your love stood out against the others.
    Then there is turmoil - the tornado - Jen's illness. Life is circling around, out of control, which it did (and still is). You both liked order and control and right now, it is not. And it hasn't been since this all began. A tornado, represents that. Perhaps because of your relationship with your Dad, he is there, as other turmoil in your life.
    As you run through the doors, you are being taken from her, as she was taken from you.
    As you search for her, she is standing there, behind the other doors. A place, wherever she is. Maybe it is her way of saying, "I am here Bill, I am close by" But because you can't reach her, she is there in spirit and she is telling you she is there, right there with you,guiding you, helping you, and wanting to give you strength...even though she isn't physically present.
    The glass doors could mean how you feel - your world is shattered and you are in a place where your heart is shattered, what glass does in a tornado. But, the glass does not break, so she may be telling you, you that she believes in your strength to handle this.

    How is that for a long winded, amateur analysis.
    I am eager to hear if this dream does re-occur. If this is a story that will unfold.

  3. I think you got some good analysis of that dream through the last post. I cannot imagine how you deal. Stay strong

  4. Tony,
    I hope you're correct...

    WOW...I am blown away by your response...thank you...I appreciate the reply...very insightful...

  5. Wow...very interesting and I agree, good insight from Stacey.
    I have always had a very vivid dream life. It's rare that I wake up without a dream in my head. Even though they say you cannot have continuations of a dream sequence - that also has happened to me more than once. It will be interesting to see if that happens to you. I have also read that one way to analyze your dreams is that everyone in your dream actually represents you or a part of you...just food for thought.

  6. I really agree with Stacey. I was thinking along the same lines but didn't know how to word it so it didn't sound stupid. Her description was perfect!!!!!


Inside Bill's Head -- Previously Known as (Inside the Head of a Grieving Single Dad)

In August of 2009 my wife Jennifer passed away from an Anaplastic Astrocytoma Brain Tumor. She was only 38 years old. She left me and our two little girls Abbie and Allie to continue life’s journey.

I promised her that I would NOT become angry and bitter about what order to do that I am attempting to write to express my thoughts and feelings.

This site is a place where I can express my thoughts, feelings and rants...