Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Random Thoughts

So I feel that I need to write inspiring things on my blog site, meaningful things that will trigger thoughts or emotions…well I’ve got nothing. I mean, I literally have nothing to write. Then a friend of mine said to stop feeling pressured to be creative, or witty or inspiring…just write. Anything, random thoughts…moments of anger, moments of happiness etc…so here it goes.

The Stupid Things that Make Me Angry...

Facebook has a status of “Widow” but not “Widower”, WHY? WTF is up with that?

I wish people would be more sensitive to the fact that some families such as mine have lost a parent. The world is best for four…and we are a family of three. The world is not built for three.

I’m still pissed…and getting more pissed all the time that I don’t dream of Jen. The other night I actually woke up from a dream that I was having about some friends from high school. I mean I had a dream about a girlfriend from high school that I haven’t seen or talked to in 20 years, but yet I don’t have my dreams of my wife. I have tried everything from thinking of nothing but Jen as I drift off to sleep to taking the opposite approach and not thinking of anything and I still don’t dream of her…frustrating!!! I need to know that she is okay wherever she is! Jen wasn’t baptized as a child – does that have anything to do with it…I don’t friggin know and it’s driving me crazy.

I feel unfulfilled. I feel like I could…should be doing more with my life. I just don’t what to do. Volunteer, teach, travel, something else…I just don’t know.


  1. Jen is alright. She is sorting things out, too. She is busy making sure you and the girls are doing okay. She is watching out for you every minute of every day. You might not realize it all the time but just think how chaotic your daily life would be without her watching over you.

    Do you talk to her? You know, when you hear her favorite song on the radio or when the girls do something wacky.

    Maybe you are trying to hard to dream about her. Just let it go and the dreams will come. It's probably because you are thinking of her all day. She doesn't want you to be sad in your sleep. If you did dream about her, it would probably jolt you awake and you wouldn't be able to fall back to sleep and would be a mess the next day.

  2. Baptism of desire (Latin Baptismus Flaminis) is a teaching of the Roman Catholic Church explaining that those who desire baptism, but are not baptized with water through the Christian ritual, because of death, nevertheless bring about the fruits of Baptism, if their grace of conversion included an internal act of perfect love and contrition which automatically cleanses the soul of all sin. Hence, the Catechism of the Catholic Church observes, "For catechumens who die before their Baptism, their explicit desire to receive it, together with repentance for their sins, and charity, assures them the salvation that they were not able to receive through the sacrament"


  3. just read the last para ...

    Continue to be a dad
    Learn to be a Parent at times

    I only had a mom from 10+, but somehow my mom at times managed to be a parent. There is a difference. I don't know how to explain it exactly, but she tried to make sure that my siblings and I had "Dad" time ... ball games, exposure to good guys like a coach here or teacher there ...

    your most important job right now is to REASSURE your children ... as best you can

    Things were different in the 70s ... but I wish that we talked through things more ... had a counselor. Not so much for me but my brother Don who had to deal with the death of our dad in the muffled world of his hearing impairment ... I still feel like crap that I was not more accommodating to his needs ... and as a family we were not equipped to give him what he needed then ...


Inside Bill's Head -- Previously Known as (Inside the Head of a Grieving Single Dad)

In August of 2009 my wife Jennifer passed away from an Anaplastic Astrocytoma Brain Tumor. She was only 38 years old. She left me and our two little girls Abbie and Allie to continue life’s journey.

I promised her that I would NOT become angry and bitter about what happened...in order to do that I am attempting to write to express my thoughts and feelings.

This site is a place where I can express my thoughts, feelings and rants...