It has been six months today…and I have kept my promise. I have not turned into a bitter and angry person. It has not been easy…but I have kept my promise. My intention was to write something very meaningful, significant or truly inspirational…but this is all I have offer.
I have so much to say…so much that I want to say…to you Jen. Honestly, it’s one of the hardest things to cope with. Their is so much I want to tell you. So many things I want to discuss, funny stories, something that happened at work, something that one of the girls did or said, or just discuss the day's events...but you aren’t there. I tell you anyway…but it just isn’t the same.
I have been doing a lot of reflecting and evaluating of many things. I feel like I'm searching for answers that I know I won't find. I feel sort of lost. My thoughts and emotions are all over the board.
At least with a divorce it's okay to be a little angry, or a lot angry depending on the circumstance, and disappointed. I can't be angry, who am I going to be angry at...cancer...God... and I know it's not healthy. I can't walk around disappointed because I know I have to go on.
Our future as a couple and a family was so bright. It was filled with so much potential for all of us. We had so many things we wanted to do and I don't know if I necessarily want to do them without you...it was just be weird.
From what I can tell the girls are doing okay. I make a point to talk about you every day. It might be some silly story or memory or just to tell them "that's what your Mom would have done". I will never let them forget…as for me…I am doing my best to keep it together.
It’s been six months…
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