Saturday, February 13, 2010
I took Jen to all of her chemo treatments, appointments etc. We were always the youngest people there. Whether it was sitting in a waiting room, or in the treatment area, we were always the couple that looked out of place. I can even remember an older woman asking us one time if we were there to pick someone up because Jen never looked sick. Jen had very thick hair and was able to cover up the areas where her hair fell out while she had radiation and chemo. She often joked how the chemo diet was really working for her because even though she was fighting a serious condition, she looked awesome.
We both absolutely dreaded going to Hillman for her treatments. To clarify, the Hillman Cancer Center in Pittsburgh is a total first class establishment. The staff and the facility were always so nice and courteous to both of us, but sitting there surrounded by sick people was hard. For the most part everyone was 20+ years older than us, coughing, hacking, vomiting, it was a ward of sick people...it was tough.
I went to every session because that is what a husband does. I never felt like I had to go, I just went because no way was I going to let her go through this horrible experience with me being there...that's probably another whole blog entry.
Anyway, every time we went to a treatment we would be there all day. I would mostly sit and offer support and get anything that she needed. After a while my mind would wander...and start to think. What happens if I get cancer...who will take me for treatments...who will take care of me? I don't want to sound selfish, but I would be lying if I said that I didn't have those thoughts.
I'm a firm believer that their is someone for everyone in this whacked out world...and that most people do NOT find that certain someone (hence the high divorce rate, the cheaters, infidelity, etc). Well, I did, I found the person that I was supposed to be with, and she's gone. I found her, we fell in love and she died...and when she died so did a huge piece of me.
I dislike being alone...
Inside Bill's Head -- Previously Known as (Inside the Head of a Grieving Single Dad)
In August of 2009 my wife Jennifer passed away from an Anaplastic Astrocytoma Brain Tumor. She was only 38 years old. She left me and our two little girls Abbie and Allie to continue life’s journey.
I promised her that I would NOT become angry and bitter about what happened...in order to do that I am attempting to write to express my thoughts and feelings.
This site is a place where I can express my thoughts, feelings and rants...