Thursday, April 22, 2010

Random Rants, Ramblings and Realizations

It’s been a while so I think it’s time for some random rants and ramblings…


While I love Spring time I can’t stand the site of orange barrels and cones on the Parkway all spring and summer long. It makes travel into the city absolutely dreadful!!!

People who smoke and then throw their cigarette butts on the ground piss me off. News flash - believe it or not the ground is not your ashtray. If you choose to smoke put your butts in a friggin ashtray.

I am NOT a Steelers fan so of course I’m a little prejudice here…but this Ben Roethisberger thing bothers me. I do not think I want my young daughters wearing their Big Ben jersey’s anymore.

Is it really too much to ask for people to hold a door once in while. I know I sound “old” or “old fashion” but people, especially younger people, are seriously lacking in etiquette and manners.


I love that my kids have so much fun playing soccer…I hope their interest and enthusiasm continues.

I can’t figure out why / how I can watch a movie over and over and still enjoy it again and again (Goodfellas, Rocky, Sixteen Candles, and many, many more)

I find myself taking a lot of mental snapshots lately, especially of cool, little meaningful moments with the girls.

I love the fact that my girls dig spending time with me and always want to do something with me (I know this won’t last, so I am enjoying while it does)

I continue to be amazed how mean little girls are to each other. The “clicks” and the “cattiness” is mean and hurtful…and it just pisses me off. Especially when I see some of the parents - the apple definitely doesn’t fall far from the tree. TRANSLATION…look here mean little girl just because your Mom is a total stuck up snobby bitch…it doesn’t mean you have to be. That’s what I want to say…but of course do not.

I seem to take two steps forward…then a big step back…

I honestly do think that there is something to the karma thing…

I don’t get why I can feel so much for other people and their problems and situations, but yet be so damn hard on myself…without a doubt I am my own worst enemy.

I just want to feel…happy again…so….so bad…

Things I Have Come to Realize

I have come to realize that I can NOT speed up or expedite the grieving process in any way. This is extremely frustrating for me, but I have to just let it happen.

I have some amazing and insightful friends who care very deeply for me and my kids!

One of the secrets…maybe ingredients is a better word…to happiness is…having good friends and just letting it all go once in a while.

I need to start trusting people again. The few folks, who know me well, also know that I have huge issues in trusting people. In order to trust someone you have to be open to the thought of being letdown or getting hurt…this will be a huge step for me, but I believe it will ultimately be beneficial.

I also have to learn to expect less from people to avoid letdowns and just accept it.


  1. Bill, I posted this number on my blog yesterday: 1-888-LITTERBUG. Consider putting it in your cell phone and calling it every time you see people throw trash out their car window. You will need car info (license plate #, make, model); the time, date, and where it happened; what the trash was; and gender and approximate are also helpful. Although some argue this does no good, I like to think I have shamed a few people into no longer littering (they receive a letter with info about littering and a warning). If nothing else, my kid will announce right in front of litterers that I should call the litterbug hotline.

    I too wish girls could be less mean. All we can do as parents is instill the importance of treating others well and perhaps our kids will be able to encourage others to do the same. I try to emphasize kindness when I substitute, although not sure if that is actually helping. I hate to say it (yet I keep doing so), but kids are so much less respectful today.

  2. The smokers that leave their cigarettes hanging out the car window so as not to smoke up their car also tick me off. No other habit is more disgusting than smoking and for some reason they all think the world is their ashtray.

    As for movies that can be watched over and over again; The Breakfast Club, Fever Pitch, 50 First Dates, Field of Dreams, Big Daddy and many, many more. I am reasonably intelligent but have an unmatched capacity for watching movies time and time again. I feel like watching something more than once allows my brain to relax.

    I hope time makes things better but you are right, sadly, no way to speed up the grieving process.

    Have a great weekend with your girls.

  3. Bill,

    I like what you wrote in this post about trusting people again and I can relate. It’s unfortunate, but sometimes those we trust do turn out to be completely deceptive and unethical. While it hurts when their “true colors” are revealed and you realize that your trust was misplaced, if you let that pain stop you from trusting others, then you are essentially letting the “bad guys” win. Remember that even when others turn out to be unworthy of your trust, you can always hold your head high knowing that you acted truthfully and in good faith, even if others did not.

    That’s the way I look at it, anyway and it’s always helped me to let go, rise above those disappointments and continue to place my trust in those who are truly worthy of it.


Inside Bill's Head -- Previously Known as (Inside the Head of a Grieving Single Dad)

In August of 2009 my wife Jennifer passed away from an Anaplastic Astrocytoma Brain Tumor. She was only 38 years old. She left me and our two little girls Abbie and Allie to continue life’s journey.

I promised her that I would NOT become angry and bitter about what order to do that I am attempting to write to express my thoughts and feelings.

This site is a place where I can express my thoughts, feelings and rants...