Knowing and Understanding

Due to a scheduling quirk we had another Caring Place session last night and have another one next week. Last night I actually spoke more then I had in the previous two visits combined…I had to I couldn’t keep quite any longer. The result was good and I learned something from the session.


I understand and appreciate more where most of the anger comes from with the others in the group. It’s from a huge void they have from not knowing certain things…let me explain. I had the chance to mentally prepare myself for what was coming.


When Jen took a drastic turn for the worse we both discussed it…in great detail. We (Jen and I) had conversations and talked about things. They were discussions that I will never forget. The conversation included topics that couples just don’t talk about, but we had them because we both knew what was coming. None of the other folks in my session had that opportunity to have those conversations with their spouse or person that they lost. As difficult and painful as the memory of those discussions is, I am glad that we had them.


It gives you somewhat of a sense of closure on certain topics. For instance, I knew that Jen wanted to be cremated and not buried. Those sorts of things may seem a little silly or irrelevant but if a person goes suddenly without talking about it then one will never know. Jen saw the hurt, anger, desperation and anguish I was going through so she did what only she could do…she talked to me. I would not have thought how important and crucial some of those conversations were at the time.


She told me not to beat myself up over the entire situation, to look after the girls, to make sure I stay close to them and not shut them out. To not get angry and bitter, but instead to keep moving forward, she actually had me promise to keep going afterward. If we had not had those types of conversations, I honestly don’t know what kind of mental state I would be in about now, except I know it would be far, far worse.


I left the session last night feeling a little selfish over how I felt during the first couple of sessions. I understand more why some of those folks are upset, angry and confused and I feel for them…I do. While I still do not really feel connected to the group, I do feel as if it is helping, and that is the important thing.