Thursday, April 29, 2010
I have many people that I call and consider friends but very few "best" friends. I have some trust issues and I just don't let too many people get close to me. I have been living in the Burgh for 12 .5 years now and I would say I have three best friends in the Burgh. Three people that I confide in and discuss the things that are important to me, that scare me and that drive / motivate me and make me who and what I am . These three people know a lot about what's inside my head and why.
I know people who say they many best friends and that's great. Me, I choose to have a select few because I know that I could ask any one of these three people for ANYTHING and they would do it for me...and in return, I would do ANYTHING for them. That is something very special and very rare in my humble opinion.
One of my best friends is also my coworker. We have worked together on some big projects over the years and have developed from coworkers into good friends...and then into best friends. That person is leaving the company. An opportunity fell into their lap that they couldn't refuse. When they asked me what they should do - I selfishly wanted to say "stay, don't go"...but what kind of friend would I be had I said that. I encouraged them and told them that the opportunity was too good to pass up, but that they needed to think about it and ultimately they would know what to do.
So, why so sad...what's the big deal? My best friend is getting another job...a job that I encouraged them to take. We will still talk, IM, gTalk, send messages on FaceBook, email...it's all good right? I hope so...but the truth is I'm scared. My security blanket is going away. The person who held me in "check" from a professional sense, the person that could come into my office and say, "uh, you are wrong" or "uh, you just acted like a total ass you know that right" is leaving. That's the work side...the personal side is different.
This person protected me and helped me keep it together over the last two years. This person checked on me daily to make sure I was okay. This person assured me that I had the strength and courage to continue when I didn't know if I could. This person told me that it would be okay is going away and being completely honest - it just plain scares the hell out of me. The worse part...I don't know if this person actually realizes how important, how much I trust, value and respect our friendship and what it truly means to me. I certainly hope they know. I have told them so I hope they know.
I also lose one of the few people who I could openly vent to about anything...work, personal, anything that was on my mind. One of the few people that understands me...all my mood shifts, my quirks, my different sense of humor - someone who you can just be yourself around and not have to worry about anything.
So maybe people will read this and think what is wrong with this guy? But I'm just not that way with too many people. I feel very fortunate to have developed this close friendship, and now it's about to change. This too will pass...I know...maybe the feelings are strong because it's been a rough couple of weeks...I hope so. I also know that after reading this entry my best friend will read this and be a little pissed at me. That's okay...because I also know that they will figure out why I had to write about it...because they "get it"...because they understand me... it's not goodbye...but I will miss seeing you everyday...
Inside Bill's Head -- Previously Known as (Inside the Head of a Grieving Single Dad)
In August of 2009 my wife Jennifer passed away from an Anaplastic Astrocytoma Brain Tumor. She was only 38 years old. She left me and our two little girls Abbie and Allie to continue life’s journey.
I promised her that I would NOT become angry and bitter about what happened...in order to do that I am attempting to write to express my thoughts and feelings.
This site is a place where I can express my thoughts, feelings and rants...