Thursday, January 7, 2010


I’m present and accounted for, but not really here? That is what I feel like. I’m here, but not really here. I go through the motions, fulfill my commitments but I’m just not there. It’s strange for me…I’m a very passionate person. I dump my heart and soul into everything I do…to a fault at times. Now, I just don’t feel anything, sort of like a huge void, or sort of grey.

During the 22 months between Jen’s diagnosis and her passing, my friends and coworkers kept waiting for me to lose it or fall apart. I did not…I could not…I had to remain focused or taking care of Jen. Now, I feel neither focused nor productive – I just feel empty.

I am a yeller and screamer…not the best practice I know but that comes from being a passionate person. It’s difficult for me to hide what I’m feeling. Anyone who knows me well also knows I am as easy to read as a book. I just don’t yell or scream any more. Honestly, I don’t have anything worth yelling or screaming about. Things that use to drive me crazy just don’t seem to bother me as much. I just have a different view and perspective now…and time will tell whether I like it, accept it or change it and go back to how I use to be.

For now…it’s just a shade of grey.

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Inside Bill's Head -- Previously Known as (Inside the Head of a Grieving Single Dad)

In August of 2009 my wife Jennifer passed away from an Anaplastic Astrocytoma Brain Tumor. She was only 38 years old. She left me and our two little girls Abbie and Allie to continue life’s journey.

I promised her that I would NOT become angry and bitter about what order to do that I am attempting to write to express my thoughts and feelings.

This site is a place where I can express my thoughts, feelings and rants...