Radio and Jr. High
Let’s start in the same order as the blog entry title. Last weekend the weather here in the Burgh was fantastic. Low 80’s in the daytime and high 50’s at night. Swimming during the day and just enough of a slight chill to wear a sweatshirt in the evening…in my opinion…absolutely perfect weather.
After a long day of swimming, running errands, playing and making a great dinner on the grill and while the other kids were taking their showers, it was just me and my youngest daughter on the deck. We were watching the sun starting to disappear for the night and just hanging out. The radio was on and it was of course set to the all 80’s station.
As the tunes played…Journey, Foreigner, REO Speedwagon, Styx, the Police etc…the tunes were good…for some reason it brought me back to Jr. High School and the dances my school had. I thought about how life seemed so hard and difficult back then. I remember the girl I had a crush on, the attempts to play it cool, the all so "important" things in Jr. High.
Then Allie put her head on my shoulder and snuggled in close next to me and everything was right in the world for those few precious minutes. It was just a real nice little moment…
Bikes
So I did something last night that I haven’t done in a long, long time…and it was awesome. I rode a bike.
The kids have been asking…pestering…nagging me for weeks to get my bike off the wall where it hangs upside down in the garage and ride with them. Well, last night I finally did. I haven’t ridden that bike in 14…15 years…it’s an old fashioned 10 speed bike. I was surprised that the tires were able to hold air and not all dry rotted away.
I have to say it was awesome…as a kid I rode my bike everywhere. Some of my bike trips were pretty impressive if I do say so myself. We lived in the country and nothing was close by so trips on bikes were miles and miles. I know one day I logged 40 miles round trip.
The wind hitting your face…the feel of the pedals…crouching down to be more aerodynamic…standing up to pedal when going uphill…I love the feel of riding a bike…gliding downhill and the freedom of just coasting brings me back to being a kid again.
I use to push myself as a kid…how far could I ride, how fast from place to place etc. I would time myself on trips to places and see if I could beat that time the next day. I knew what houses had dogs in their yards and what dogs would chase you and what ones wouldn’t. I use to plan my trips so I knew when certain people would be outside, whether it was people watering their flowers, or girls sunbathing by their pools. I rode my old bike everywhere.
The day I got my drivers license…was the day I stopped riding my bike…that is about to change…I may not be able to go out on long bike rides anymore…but now I get to enjoy riding with my kids. Seeing the smile on their faces as we all rode together and the wind blowing in their hair…it was another cool little moment. I want to keep finding these little moments and save them in my mental album.
For now...It’s time to ride again…
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Friday, June 10, 2011
The Fresh Air Fund
This is a first for me…..
Someone from the Fresh Air Fund Organization contacted me about mentioning this on the Blog. I checked it out and it looks good and legit.
I have never participated nor do I have any affiliation with the organization but the idea looks good…so here is the info in anyone is interested.
http://www.freshair.org/
http://freshairfundhost.org
From their Website…
What is The Fresh Air Fund Friendly Town program?
Summertime is Fresh Air time for thousands of New York City children growing up in disadvantaged communities. The Fresh Air Fund is an independent, not-for-profit agency providing free summer experiences to inner-city youngsters in need. Through The Fund’s Friendly Town program, close to 5,000 children visit volunteer host families each summer in rural and suburban communities. Fresh Air children stay for two weeks or more in over 300 Friendly Towns across 13 Northeastern states from Virginia to Maine and Canada.
Since 1877, more than 1.7 million inner-city children, living in New York City’s toughest neighborhoods, have experienced the joys of Fresh Air experiences. The Fresh Air Fund is primarily supported by the generosity of thousands of contributors.
Follow the links above for the complete information.
Someone from the Fresh Air Fund Organization contacted me about mentioning this on the Blog. I checked it out and it looks good and legit.
I have never participated nor do I have any affiliation with the organization but the idea looks good…so here is the info in anyone is interested.
http://www.freshair.org/
http://freshairfundhost.org
From their Website…
What is The Fresh Air Fund Friendly Town program?
Summertime is Fresh Air time for thousands of New York City children growing up in disadvantaged communities. The Fresh Air Fund is an independent, not-for-profit agency providing free summer experiences to inner-city youngsters in need. Through The Fund’s Friendly Town program, close to 5,000 children visit volunteer host families each summer in rural and suburban communities. Fresh Air children stay for two weeks or more in over 300 Friendly Towns across 13 Northeastern states from Virginia to Maine and Canada.
Since 1877, more than 1.7 million inner-city children, living in New York City’s toughest neighborhoods, have experienced the joys of Fresh Air experiences. The Fresh Air Fund is primarily supported by the generosity of thousands of contributors.
Follow the links above for the complete information.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Happy
So I have written a couple of new entries and for some reason have not posted them. As weird as this my sound one of the reasons why I haven’t posted them is because I am…well…happy.
I have this theory…and I have many theories on life in general, that no one wants to hear about people who are happy. Sounds kind of crappy but no one really wants to hear how happy and great you are doing – it only makes them feel worse about themselves. What people really want to hear about is how bad and miserable things are so that they can feel better about their own life. Okay now that sounds absolutely horrible so let me attempt to explain a few things.
Pick your favorite recording artist. Think of the some of their best songs…are they the happy songs or are they the songs about some trial or tribulation. For me it’s a no-brainer…I like sad songs…songs with a meaning and a purpose. Whether it’s about love or loss I like songs that invoke a feeling and take me to a different place.
Not ALL songs have to be sad, I don’t want to give people the wrong idea, but I think most artists do their best work when they are sad. When they feel wounded, open vulnerable, and they just let it all hang out and express what they feel in their work.
I really like Sheryl Crow. Look at her albums (showing my age here…) sorry look at her CD’s. When she was single her songs where good. When she was happily dating Lance Armstrong her songs were…well….bad. After her and lance broke up her song quality improved greatly. Pick a band or performer and you can more or less find out when they were heart broken (awesome songs) or when they were all happy and content (songs sucked). The Counting Crows, Springsteen, Mellencamp, Depeche Mode, U2…it more or less works with any artist.
As it stands with now things are good. The six of us are adapting and learning how to all get along with each other. There are issues, but for the most part things are good. We are trying out new things like a written down copy of “Da Rules” which each child signed. So now it’s funny if one of them breaks a “rule” the other kids tell them about it…
Life isn’t always how you think it will be…but it’s important to make the most out of it and right now I feel very lucky and fortunate…what is unfortunate for any followers of the blog is that you probably don’t really want to hear about all that…ha….
I have this theory…and I have many theories on life in general, that no one wants to hear about people who are happy. Sounds kind of crappy but no one really wants to hear how happy and great you are doing – it only makes them feel worse about themselves. What people really want to hear about is how bad and miserable things are so that they can feel better about their own life. Okay now that sounds absolutely horrible so let me attempt to explain a few things.
Pick your favorite recording artist. Think of the some of their best songs…are they the happy songs or are they the songs about some trial or tribulation. For me it’s a no-brainer…I like sad songs…songs with a meaning and a purpose. Whether it’s about love or loss I like songs that invoke a feeling and take me to a different place.
Not ALL songs have to be sad, I don’t want to give people the wrong idea, but I think most artists do their best work when they are sad. When they feel wounded, open vulnerable, and they just let it all hang out and express what they feel in their work.
I really like Sheryl Crow. Look at her albums (showing my age here…) sorry look at her CD’s. When she was single her songs where good. When she was happily dating Lance Armstrong her songs were…well….bad. After her and lance broke up her song quality improved greatly. Pick a band or performer and you can more or less find out when they were heart broken (awesome songs) or when they were all happy and content (songs sucked). The Counting Crows, Springsteen, Mellencamp, Depeche Mode, U2…it more or less works with any artist.
As it stands with now things are good. The six of us are adapting and learning how to all get along with each other. There are issues, but for the most part things are good. We are trying out new things like a written down copy of “Da Rules” which each child signed. So now it’s funny if one of them breaks a “rule” the other kids tell them about it…
Life isn’t always how you think it will be…but it’s important to make the most out of it and right now I feel very lucky and fortunate…what is unfortunate for any followers of the blog is that you probably don’t really want to hear about all that…ha….
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
New Title
Well I have a new name…the winner is
Inside Bill’s Head
Along with a new title I obviously need a new blog description.
Background
I was a widower. I am now a remarried man. I am a husband, a Dad and a Stepdad. I lost my first wife to an Anaplastic Astrocytoma grade 3 / 4 brain tumor in 2009. It was 22 months from diagnosis to her passing away. Our daughter’s were 4 and 6 at the time.
I am now remarried to a wonderful woman who also happens to be my best friend. She has two children from a previous marriage. Now it’s the six of us starting our new journey together...the updated Brady Bunch meets Modern Family type of household. We are all different in our own little and not so little ways, but together we make a nice uniquely blended family.
I am attempting to keep things as “normal” as possible... for all six of us. My hope is that this blog helps out other people. We are all getting use to becoming a new family and dealing with the changes, the challenges and the new responsibilities involved in merging two households. If my ramblings, rants and thoughts can help someone else out…that would be good.
The Purpose Behind the Blog
Their seems to be plenty of material out there for woman who have lost their husbands, but not so much for men who have lost their wives. I also want people to know that things will improve and get better. Life will never be the same as it was before, but it will get better. If someone would have told me that 12 or 18 months ago I would thought them to be a fool…it does get better. I want people to read this and hopefully find some sort of encouragement that things can and will improve.
Everyone has their own way to cope and deal with things. There is no set schedule, no time frame, no period as to when and how long one will feel a certain way. Don’t let people tell you when and how to feel…follow your gut, instincts, mind and heart…only YOU truly know what’s best for you. I am not saying don’t listen to others. Listen and hear their advice, their words but keep in mind that no matter what other people say or think only YOU truly know what’s going on in the deep dark places within your mind and heart. It will be a rollercoaster ride. Their will be ups and downs along the way…just try not to get too far in any one direction.
My Journey
Our (me and my girls) journey has been filled with challenges, some of which I have tried to share on this blog…others were kept private since they were either a little too personal or too painful to share. It’s not the things that you plan for to handle it’s the little unexpected gotcha’s that are hardest to deal with.
I have dried my share of tears from little cheeks, wrapped my arms around my girls and given the biggest hugs I can supply. I have tried to listen, comfort and explain things to the best of my ability with empathy and understanding. I have tried to put myself in their shoes (my girls) and think about how scary things are in this big, big world. But most of all I have tried to supply them with as much love as possible so that they KNOW we (All three of us) would make it through this…TOGETHER!
I Refuse
I said it before on this blog…I flat out REFUSE to let this be the defining moment of their young lives…FLAT OUT REFUSE!!! I will not allow them to forget their mother and how much she loved them, but I want them to understand that it’s okay to move on as well. We all have to go on…finding a proper balance is the key. It’s a fine line to walk…VERY FINE…many times…with them…with friends…with family…and with woman who I love now…my wife. I feel very fortunate to have met someone who cares so deeply for my girls. The love, caring and compassion she shows them is awesome.
I do hope this blog helps other people. I hope others who stumble upon it, read it and find at least a very small glimmer of hope…and start to think that it will get better.
Inside Bill’s Head
Along with a new title I obviously need a new blog description.
Background
I was a widower. I am now a remarried man. I am a husband, a Dad and a Stepdad. I lost my first wife to an Anaplastic Astrocytoma grade 3 / 4 brain tumor in 2009. It was 22 months from diagnosis to her passing away. Our daughter’s were 4 and 6 at the time.
I am now remarried to a wonderful woman who also happens to be my best friend. She has two children from a previous marriage. Now it’s the six of us starting our new journey together...the updated Brady Bunch meets Modern Family type of household. We are all different in our own little and not so little ways, but together we make a nice uniquely blended family.
I am attempting to keep things as “normal” as possible... for all six of us. My hope is that this blog helps out other people. We are all getting use to becoming a new family and dealing with the changes, the challenges and the new responsibilities involved in merging two households. If my ramblings, rants and thoughts can help someone else out…that would be good.
The Purpose Behind the Blog
Their seems to be plenty of material out there for woman who have lost their husbands, but not so much for men who have lost their wives. I also want people to know that things will improve and get better. Life will never be the same as it was before, but it will get better. If someone would have told me that 12 or 18 months ago I would thought them to be a fool…it does get better. I want people to read this and hopefully find some sort of encouragement that things can and will improve.
Everyone has their own way to cope and deal with things. There is no set schedule, no time frame, no period as to when and how long one will feel a certain way. Don’t let people tell you when and how to feel…follow your gut, instincts, mind and heart…only YOU truly know what’s best for you. I am not saying don’t listen to others. Listen and hear their advice, their words but keep in mind that no matter what other people say or think only YOU truly know what’s going on in the deep dark places within your mind and heart. It will be a rollercoaster ride. Their will be ups and downs along the way…just try not to get too far in any one direction.
My Journey
Our (me and my girls) journey has been filled with challenges, some of which I have tried to share on this blog…others were kept private since they were either a little too personal or too painful to share. It’s not the things that you plan for to handle it’s the little unexpected gotcha’s that are hardest to deal with.
I have dried my share of tears from little cheeks, wrapped my arms around my girls and given the biggest hugs I can supply. I have tried to listen, comfort and explain things to the best of my ability with empathy and understanding. I have tried to put myself in their shoes (my girls) and think about how scary things are in this big, big world. But most of all I have tried to supply them with as much love as possible so that they KNOW we (All three of us) would make it through this…TOGETHER!
I Refuse
I said it before on this blog…I flat out REFUSE to let this be the defining moment of their young lives…FLAT OUT REFUSE!!! I will not allow them to forget their mother and how much she loved them, but I want them to understand that it’s okay to move on as well. We all have to go on…finding a proper balance is the key. It’s a fine line to walk…VERY FINE…many times…with them…with friends…with family…and with woman who I love now…my wife. I feel very fortunate to have met someone who cares so deeply for my girls. The love, caring and compassion she shows them is awesome.
I do hope this blog helps other people. I hope others who stumble upon it, read it and find at least a very small glimmer of hope…and start to think that it will get better.
Monday, May 9, 2011
A New Title
Time to Change the Name
So it just dawned on me that I need to change the title of my blog. After next week I will no longer be single so “Inside the Head of a Grieving Single Dad” doesn’t work anymore.
Some possible new titles…
- Bill’s Blog
- Inside Bill’s Head
- Bill’s Modern Family
- My New Modern Family
- My Version of Modern Family
- Remarried Widower
- A Remarried Widower’s Take on His New Modern Family
- From Three to Six
- New Beginnings
- From a Widower to a Modern Family
Any of the above still seem better then “Inside the Head of a Widower with two little girls who is now remarried and the father of two little girls, a stepdaughter and a stepson”, but I need to think it through a little more.
Any comments or feedback is welcomed…I’m leaning towards either “From Three to Six”…sounds kind of cool to me… or “A Remarried Widower’s Take on His New Modern Family”…keeps the old blog theme or simply “Bill’s Blog”…which is simple, but also kind of boring.
So it just dawned on me that I need to change the title of my blog. After next week I will no longer be single so “Inside the Head of a Grieving Single Dad” doesn’t work anymore.
Some possible new titles…
- Bill’s Blog
- Inside Bill’s Head
- Bill’s Modern Family
- My New Modern Family
- My Version of Modern Family
- Remarried Widower
- A Remarried Widower’s Take on His New Modern Family
- From Three to Six
- New Beginnings
- From a Widower to a Modern Family
Any of the above still seem better then “Inside the Head of a Widower with two little girls who is now remarried and the father of two little girls, a stepdaughter and a stepson”, but I need to think it through a little more.
Any comments or feedback is welcomed…I’m leaning towards either “From Three to Six”…sounds kind of cool to me… or “A Remarried Widower’s Take on His New Modern Family”…keeps the old blog theme or simply “Bill’s Blog”…which is simple, but also kind of boring.
Mother’s Day 2011
A Year Later
What a difference one year makes. Last year Mother’s Day was the lowest of the lows. Worse then the kid’s birthdays and even worse then Christmas after all it’s a day dedicated to one person…Mom. Last year Mother’s Day was rough on all of us. I can vividly recall thinking to myself that I had to make it through this and be strong for the girls, but I had reached the breaking point. My ability to remain strong and positive was dangerously close to caving in. I was a wreck on the inside even though I put on a smiley face and appeared okay on the outside.
This year Mother’s Day was very different. The girls were much happier. After all in a week we start a new journey as a new family. The wedding is one week away. I will be marrying one of my best friends. I’m also getting a stepdaughter, and a stepson, the girls are getting a stepsister, a stepbrother and a stepmom…or as the girls like to call her…Mom.
I have said this before that during a session at the Caring Place Abbie told one of the counselors that all she wanted was someone to call “Mom” again. She has that now and it makes a huge difference in her well being...a huge difference.
It’s a weird line to walk sometimes…I don’t want to disrespect the memory of Jen. I will never allow the girls to forget her and at the same time I do not want the woman whom I am marrying to feel slighted or second best, yet another thing in life that the parenting books don’t prepare you for. As we start our new journey as a family of six…I have no doubts that it will lead to some pretty interesting blog entry material.
At the end of the day as twilight was taking away the sky Abbie asked me to go with her to Mom’s tree. Abbie and I went out to visit Jen’s tree as the sun was setting. We talked to Jen. We talked about some of the special memories we shared together. We talked about what Jen was doing now, where we thought she was, if she watching, if she could hear us talking to her. We talked about cancer, dying and moving to a new house among other things. We shared some tears…we shared some hugs and we held each other and I told Abbie that it would be okay.
She got very upset and asked me what if I got sick, what if I got cancer, what if I died. I told her that I go to the doctor’s office once a year to get checked out and that I’m not going to let that happen. So here is what many people don’t get or simply don’t understand abut kids who lose a parent. Kids who lose a parent are always thinking about “what if my other parent dies”. Who will take care of us, what will happen to us? They need that extra reassurance that things are going to be okay. They need to feel safe, secure and loved. They need the reassurance…they don’t just crave it…they NEED it!
It was a bittersweet day. As I tucked her into bed she whispered in my ear that “we would be okay because we are strong and that we will make it through this”. I smiled and kissed her and told her that she was absolutely right – “we are strong and we will make it through this”. She also said that she was happy to have someone to call Mom on Mother’s day. She is an amazingly smart and strong little kid…
What a difference one year makes. Last year Mother’s Day was the lowest of the lows. Worse then the kid’s birthdays and even worse then Christmas after all it’s a day dedicated to one person…Mom. Last year Mother’s Day was rough on all of us. I can vividly recall thinking to myself that I had to make it through this and be strong for the girls, but I had reached the breaking point. My ability to remain strong and positive was dangerously close to caving in. I was a wreck on the inside even though I put on a smiley face and appeared okay on the outside.
This year Mother’s Day was very different. The girls were much happier. After all in a week we start a new journey as a new family. The wedding is one week away. I will be marrying one of my best friends. I’m also getting a stepdaughter, and a stepson, the girls are getting a stepsister, a stepbrother and a stepmom…or as the girls like to call her…Mom.
I have said this before that during a session at the Caring Place Abbie told one of the counselors that all she wanted was someone to call “Mom” again. She has that now and it makes a huge difference in her well being...a huge difference.
It’s a weird line to walk sometimes…I don’t want to disrespect the memory of Jen. I will never allow the girls to forget her and at the same time I do not want the woman whom I am marrying to feel slighted or second best, yet another thing in life that the parenting books don’t prepare you for. As we start our new journey as a family of six…I have no doubts that it will lead to some pretty interesting blog entry material.
At the end of the day as twilight was taking away the sky Abbie asked me to go with her to Mom’s tree. Abbie and I went out to visit Jen’s tree as the sun was setting. We talked to Jen. We talked about some of the special memories we shared together. We talked about what Jen was doing now, where we thought she was, if she watching, if she could hear us talking to her. We talked about cancer, dying and moving to a new house among other things. We shared some tears…we shared some hugs and we held each other and I told Abbie that it would be okay.
She got very upset and asked me what if I got sick, what if I got cancer, what if I died. I told her that I go to the doctor’s office once a year to get checked out and that I’m not going to let that happen. So here is what many people don’t get or simply don’t understand abut kids who lose a parent. Kids who lose a parent are always thinking about “what if my other parent dies”. Who will take care of us, what will happen to us? They need that extra reassurance that things are going to be okay. They need to feel safe, secure and loved. They need the reassurance…they don’t just crave it…they NEED it!
It was a bittersweet day. As I tucked her into bed she whispered in my ear that “we would be okay because we are strong and that we will make it through this”. I smiled and kissed her and told her that she was absolutely right – “we are strong and we will make it through this”. She also said that she was happy to have someone to call Mom on Mother’s day. She is an amazingly smart and strong little kid…
Dinner Conversation
Interesting Questions
How do you explain the news of Osama bin Laden’s death to a couple of smart, curious kids? It’s not as easy as you might think. This was a surprising topic of conversation at the diner table between me and my two girls. Keep in mind they are 6 and 8 years old…I was rather impressed…
Went something like this…
Kiddos: Dad, was Osama bin Laden a bad man?
Me: He was a bad man.
Kiddos: Is that why we killed him?
Me: Well, we didn’t “kill” him. The military…do you two know what the military is?
Kiddos: Yeah, it’s the army.
Me: Well, it’s more then just the army (and I explained the concept of the military and armed forces to both kids).
Me: The military had to find him so that he wouldn’t hurt any more people.
Kiddos: Well does that military get rid of all “bad” people.
Me: Good question, no they do not. But this man tried to hurt many people that live in our country and he even went as far as to have a plan that hurt and killed a bunch of people.
Kiddos: You mean the attack on the Twin Towers.
Me: (I had no idea they even knew about the 9/11) Yes, he was one of the people that came up with the plan to attack the Twin Towers.
Kiddos: Well, I’m glad he’s killed…aren’t you Dad?
Me: Well, I’m glad that he’s not hurting any more people.
Kiddo’s: Me too, I wish they would get rid of all the bad people.
It just struck me…a little funny. What a different world we live in now compared to when I was a kid. This is one of those conversations that you don’t really prep for. In what book is the chapter on how to talk to elementary age kids about global terrorism and getting rid of terrorists – or the threat of terrorist attacks and retaliation?
It makes me feel good and proud to have such curious kids who can ask intelligent questions, but also makes me sad for the state of the world that we live in now. Kids shouldn’t have to think about things like terrorist and be glad that they are dead…as I cleaned up the dishes from dinner…just make me a little sad for the world that these kids live in know as compared to when I grew up.
How do you explain the news of Osama bin Laden’s death to a couple of smart, curious kids? It’s not as easy as you might think. This was a surprising topic of conversation at the diner table between me and my two girls. Keep in mind they are 6 and 8 years old…I was rather impressed…
Went something like this…
Kiddos: Dad, was Osama bin Laden a bad man?
Me: He was a bad man.
Kiddos: Is that why we killed him?
Me: Well, we didn’t “kill” him. The military…do you two know what the military is?
Kiddos: Yeah, it’s the army.
Me: Well, it’s more then just the army (and I explained the concept of the military and armed forces to both kids).
Me: The military had to find him so that he wouldn’t hurt any more people.
Kiddos: Well does that military get rid of all “bad” people.
Me: Good question, no they do not. But this man tried to hurt many people that live in our country and he even went as far as to have a plan that hurt and killed a bunch of people.
Kiddos: You mean the attack on the Twin Towers.
Me: (I had no idea they even knew about the 9/11) Yes, he was one of the people that came up with the plan to attack the Twin Towers.
Kiddos: Well, I’m glad he’s killed…aren’t you Dad?
Me: Well, I’m glad that he’s not hurting any more people.
Kiddo’s: Me too, I wish they would get rid of all the bad people.
It just struck me…a little funny. What a different world we live in now compared to when I was a kid. This is one of those conversations that you don’t really prep for. In what book is the chapter on how to talk to elementary age kids about global terrorism and getting rid of terrorists – or the threat of terrorist attacks and retaliation?
It makes me feel good and proud to have such curious kids who can ask intelligent questions, but also makes me sad for the state of the world that we live in now. Kids shouldn’t have to think about things like terrorist and be glad that they are dead…as I cleaned up the dishes from dinner…just make me a little sad for the world that these kids live in know as compared to when I grew up.
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