Monday, May 9, 2011
Mother’s Day 2011
What a difference one year makes. Last year Mother’s Day was the lowest of the lows. Worse then the kid’s birthdays and even worse then Christmas after all it’s a day dedicated to one person…Mom. Last year Mother’s Day was rough on all of us. I can vividly recall thinking to myself that I had to make it through this and be strong for the girls, but I had reached the breaking point. My ability to remain strong and positive was dangerously close to caving in. I was a wreck on the inside even though I put on a smiley face and appeared okay on the outside.
This year Mother’s Day was very different. The girls were much happier. After all in a week we start a new journey as a new family. The wedding is one week away. I will be marrying one of my best friends. I’m also getting a stepdaughter, and a stepson, the girls are getting a stepsister, a stepbrother and a stepmom…or as the girls like to call her…Mom.
I have said this before that during a session at the Caring Place Abbie told one of the counselors that all she wanted was someone to call “Mom” again. She has that now and it makes a huge difference in her well being...a huge difference.
It’s a weird line to walk sometimes…I don’t want to disrespect the memory of Jen. I will never allow the girls to forget her and at the same time I do not want the woman whom I am marrying to feel slighted or second best, yet another thing in life that the parenting books don’t prepare you for. As we start our new journey as a family of six…I have no doubts that it will lead to some pretty interesting blog entry material.
At the end of the day as twilight was taking away the sky Abbie asked me to go with her to Mom’s tree. Abbie and I went out to visit Jen’s tree as the sun was setting. We talked to Jen. We talked about some of the special memories we shared together. We talked about what Jen was doing now, where we thought she was, if she watching, if she could hear us talking to her. We talked about cancer, dying and moving to a new house among other things. We shared some tears…we shared some hugs and we held each other and I told Abbie that it would be okay.
She got very upset and asked me what if I got sick, what if I got cancer, what if I died. I told her that I go to the doctor’s office once a year to get checked out and that I’m not going to let that happen. So here is what many people don’t get or simply don’t understand abut kids who lose a parent. Kids who lose a parent are always thinking about “what if my other parent dies”. Who will take care of us, what will happen to us? They need that extra reassurance that things are going to be okay. They need to feel safe, secure and loved. They need the reassurance…they don’t just crave it…they NEED it!
It was a bittersweet day. As I tucked her into bed she whispered in my ear that “we would be okay because we are strong and that we will make it through this”. I smiled and kissed her and told her that she was absolutely right – “we are strong and we will make it through this”. She also said that she was happy to have someone to call Mom on Mother’s day. She is an amazingly smart and strong little kid…
Inside Bill's Head -- Previously Known as (Inside the Head of a Grieving Single Dad)
In August of 2009 my wife Jennifer passed away from an Anaplastic Astrocytoma Brain Tumor. She was only 38 years old. She left me and our two little girls Abbie and Allie to continue life’s journey.
I promised her that I would NOT become angry and bitter about what happened...in order to do that I am attempting to write to express my thoughts and feelings.
This site is a place where I can express my thoughts, feelings and rants...