Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Well it’s July

Well it’s July and that means multiple things…

First, it’s hot
I mean incredibly hot and humid. We seem to go from upper 70’s / low 80’s to mid 90’s as soon as the calendar hits July.

Second, Independence Day
It’s my next to favorite holiday behind Thanksgiving. Ever since I was a kid the Fourth of July always meant a big family picnic with burgers, hotdogs, volleyball, softball, horseshoes…all my cousins would be there and we would play all day and of course end the night with fireworks.

My entire family is still out in New Jersey and Jen doesn’t have a real big immediate family. When we bought our house six years ago we were both sold on the view from the backyard. It overlooks a valley and you can see multiple towns and locations below. On the Fourth of July when fireworks are going off at any given time there are 10-12 different sets going off at once. It’s very cool to just sit there and watch all the fireworks going off at one time. The girls love it as well and we invite family and friends over to watch them with us. I hope that it’s a special memory that the girls will have and they carry it with them and it makes Independence Day special for them as well.

Third, my birthday
Birthday’s become less important as you get older but it’s still a special day…after all it’s the day you were born. I was dreading my birthday this year, but it turned out to be a nice time with family and friends.

Fourth, wedding anniversary

What would have been our 13th wedding anniversary is next week. It’s funny because 13 years seems like a long time, but in reality it isn’t. For some reason anniversaries are always remembered in multiples of five. I can remember our 5th and 10th wedding anniversaries…and just assumed that when we hit 15, 20, 25 etc we would joke, laugh and celebrate. I don’t want this to sound all negative and like a downer…honestly I don’t, but I have this compelling, constant need to remind people to NOT take things for granted. Life is just too damn short and unpredictable. Celebrate your 13th wedding anniversary …your 21st….your 7th….what ever number…don’t wait for silly number because you might not get the opportunity.

State of Mind
I am doing okay. I am. I like to think I’m actually doing better then okay. I not only survived Allie’s birthday, the Fourth of July and my own birthday but I was actually able to let go and enjoy myself. The girls and I are doing well and every now and then I catch myself sort of looking around and saying to myself “they are okay, we are okay…I am okay”…I feel very fortunate to have so many people who truly care for me and my girls and the support of my family has been awesome.

I know there are many more challenges to come in the future. The fact that I don’t even know what many of the challenges are or will be bothers me, but I know that we (the girls and I) are going to be okay. I could NOT and would NOT say that a year ago…but now I can…we are going to be okay.

Finally, thank you to everyone who sent me an email over the past week…it was truly flattering and humbling to receive so many messages wishing us the best and offering messages of hope and support. Thank You so much…it means a lot…it does! I feel like I’m coming out of the fog and I’m definitely moving in the right direction – I just really wanted to say “thank you” to all my family and friends…without you all we wouldn’t be where we are now…thanks folks…you guys are okay…


  1. Bill, I am glad you keep telling us to appreciate what we have. Most of us could use the reminder when we get caught up in the day-to-day stuff.

    I am also glad you have such a good support system. I am sure that makes a difference. I can't imagine going through what you have, particularly alone, as I know some have and do.

    Try to stay cool and I hope you get through your anniversary okay.

  2. Hey Bill

    Your Fourth sounded wonderful with the view in your back yard, the girls, & friends over~

    The Fourth is one of my favorite holidays too. Since I have Portuguese, English, Scottish, French, and Irish nationalities in my family, the Fourth always meant a celebration of many countries, of their freedom in the USA & the different food they had, from Portuegese sweet bread to French desserts.~! Oh and not to mention 'no limits on the homemade rootbeer', this made for very happy kids around my home. :)

    Your doing an awesome job with traditions with Abbie & Allie. The Fourth was also another time I really saw my dad celebrate, and it meant so much to see my usually otherwise 'stict' dad, buy tons of 'dangerous' (not really) :) fireworks, sparklers, spinners & bottle rockets and light them all with gusto~! :) I'll always remember those times.

    Thanks for posting and helping us think of so many things to be grateful for~


Inside Bill's Head -- Previously Known as (Inside the Head of a Grieving Single Dad)

In August of 2009 my wife Jennifer passed away from an Anaplastic Astrocytoma Brain Tumor. She was only 38 years old. She left me and our two little girls Abbie and Allie to continue life’s journey.

I promised her that I would NOT become angry and bitter about what happened...in order to do that I am attempting to write to express my thoughts and feelings.

This site is a place where I can express my thoughts, feelings and rants...