Saturday, July 31, 2010

July Recap

July was a very busy month…

Started with the Fourth, which turned out to be really nice and ended with an awesome trip up to Northern Michigan with some very special friends. In the middle, my cousin my cousin, his wife and their daughter came out for a long weekend and it was really nice. My cousin was like my little brother growing up so it was really cool to hang out for a long weekend and show him and his family a little bit of the Burgh even with every roadway in the ENTIRE eastern region of the Burgh under construction…thank you Pen Dot.

I also survived my birthday and what would have been our thirteenth wedding anniversary. I did good on both days. Birthdays get much less eventful as you get older although my girls made sure we had a cake and marked the occasion. The wedding anniversary was okay. Last year's was much tougher. Jen was restricted to a bed and wasn’t really talking so it was hard. I don’t want people to get the wrong idea about what I’m going to say next. I will never forget the date, but I’m not sure I want to be reminded about it either.

It was one of the happiest days of my life when we got married. We were young, so full of life, confident about our future and obviously very much in love. I will never forget that…never. But what I think about now is the last anniversary we spent together. The one where Jen couldn’t even talk to me, where she was in bed looking up at me with glassy far away eyes and we both knew the end was inevitable.

Okay, okay…enough of the downer material…onto happier thoughts…as I said I survived July…now onto August. Abbie’s birthday is quickly approaching and I’m also determined to see to it that she has an awesome time. After that is the One-year, mark of Jen’s passing. I can’t write about it yet because I don’t know what I’m going to do yet. A good friend of mine asked what am I doing to commemorate the day - honestly, I don’t know. I may want to just be alone, I may want to be around family and friends, I may go to work just to occupy my mind and time…I just don’t know yet.

In any event, I know I will be okay. There are many reasons as to why, which I will share later in other posts. I have all sorts of very positive things going on in my life at the moment. August will be just as busy, if not busier then July, and school starts at the end of the month. Just the other day someone asked how I was doing and I said, “I’m doing okay, actually better then okay, I’m doing good”. To which they replied, “yeah, I believe you now, I didn’t before, but you seem much better now”. I am better folks…I’m actually starting to smile again and feel better about things,

1 comment:

  1. I'm so happy to hear that you are getting your joy back - what a beautiful step forward. Just hearing that you are smiling again makes me smile :). I support you and I'm happy for you!



Inside Bill's Head -- Previously Known as (Inside the Head of a Grieving Single Dad)

In August of 2009 my wife Jennifer passed away from an Anaplastic Astrocytoma Brain Tumor. She was only 38 years old. She left me and our two little girls Abbie and Allie to continue life’s journey.

I promised her that I would NOT become angry and bitter about what order to do that I am attempting to write to express my thoughts and feelings.

This site is a place where I can express my thoughts, feelings and rants...